Sheffield FC versus Real Madrid CF

The FIFA Order of Merit is the highest honour awarded by FIFA and is normally awarded to people who are considered to have made a significant contribution to the game of association football. Recipients of the award make for a stellar list of players, managers, officials, administrators and "other individuals" but as for football clubs themselves, only two have been deemed worthy of the award. At FIFA's centenial congress in 2004, the two clubs so honoured were Real Madrid CF and - checks notes, surely not (?), checks notes again - Sheffield FC.

Surely, that must mean (my club) Sheffield Wednesday? Or maybe Sheffield's second club, Sheffield Wednesday reserves? But no. There is indeed another football club in Sheffield and not only are Sheffield FC one of just two football club recipients of FIFA's highest honour, they happen to be the oldest football club in the world. In conjunction with Nick and Amy (my nephew and his wife) and his soon-to-be-launched football podcast Around The World In 90 Minutes, we set off from Manchester on a cold Autumn morning to find out more. 

Strictly speaking, Sheffield FC's Home of Football stadium in Dronfield doesn't actually, quite, fall within Sheffield's city limits. But, as club historian Andy Dixon points out, the stadium is based on Sheffield Road with a Sheffield postcode and a Sheffield telephone number. And in any event there are plans, with financing in place, for a move to a new stadium just a mile or so up the road which will see the club safely back within the city limits in the not too distant future. In the meantime however the club finds itself, football-wise, at the bottom of the Northern Premier League East division and in danger of slipping into english football's ninth tier.

Recently charged with responsibility for getting the club out of this relegation hole is new first team manager Vill Powell who was gracious enough to grant Nick an interview after we accidentally hijacked him in the club car park. Nick's podcast subject - a search for the true meaning of football - makes Sheffield FC an obvious opener for the upcoming initial series of eight episodes, due to launch in early 2025. There are four later episodes already in the can which have seen Nick and Amy visit SK Sturm Graz in Austria and Cliftonville in Northern Ireland amongst others, with further trips planned to Rayo Vallecano in Madrid and Corinthian-Casuals FC in London. I have a suspicion that Vill may already have cracked it when answering Nick's question of "what is the meaning of football". To paraphrase Vill's response, football is almost a language in itself, about community, friendship and belonging. Obviously though we still need to do plenty of research, just in case he's wrong!

Nick with Sheffield FC club historian Andy Dixon.

Andy Dixon lent Nick a good thirty minutes of his time on interview talking about the club, its history and the duty of care everyone at the club feels they owe in preserving the legacy that led to the award of the FIFA Order of Merit. He has had plenty of practice over the years with fans, reporters and film crews from all over the world descending on the club because of its status as the world's oldest football club. The portacabin housing the directors tea room is bedecked with football memorabilia, much of it reflecting the origins of the visitors themselves as opposed to historic occasions involving the club. One such is a small, framed tapestry likeness of Nelson Mandela with the inscription "Presented to Sheffield FC - Boots for Africa - Apartheid Museum. Johannesburg. South Africa 22nd June 2010". Whoever presented it must have been embarrassed that it looked a bit cheap because the frame has a 10 Rand note tucked into the top right corner to perhaps add a little more gravity to the gesture.

Incidentally, Nelson Mandela is one of the "other individuals" to have been awarded the FIFA Order of Merit. He got his in 1998. Can't help thinking that was a bit of bandwagon jumping on FIFA's part, at the time, though. 

Internet research shows the club nicknamed variously as The Club, The Ancients and The First although there is an argument (only in my mind, to be fair) that they could have been known as The Bedouins, such was their nomadic existence prior to the purchase of their current Coach & Horses ground in 2001. Named after the public house which fronts the ground on Sheffield Road and provides an obvious focal point for all associated with the club, the current stadium is more officially known as the Home of Football Ground but I suspect this title will eventually sit more naturally with the new stadium once built. 

Today's opponents were Emley AFC who came into the match sitting in third position, having been promoted from the ninth tier last season, and with a decent away support in a crowd of just under seven hundred. The match itself was a bit meh on a very soft pitch with the two teams fairly evenly matched throughout. Sheffield had finished the first half quite strongly but I remarked to Nick at half time that the game had a feel about it, particularly with Sheffield bottom of the table, to suggest that the visitors would win it 1-0 deserved or otherwise. And that is exactly what happened although the winning goal in the 78th minute by Emley's no.7 Luke Parkin was a real gem after he curled it over the keeper from thirty yards out. It was a goal worthy of winning any match.

Emley's win leaves them in third place in the league, two points below the top two but with a game in hand on both. As for Sheffield the defeat leaves them rock bottom, four points below the next team and eight points from safety but, after only nine matches, there is still a long, long way to go. Manager Vill Powell will know that for the foreseeable future it is all about picking up points and thus confidence. If they can do that - and they won't come up against many better teams than today's opponents - then the league position will look after itself.

After the match and ahead of our train back to Sheffield and on to Manchester, we took advantage of the Coach & Horses and it's impressive array of Thornbridge Brewery draft ales (a bit pricey I thought but delicious nonetheless). Players and officials of both clubs were also soon in attendance and mixing with fans.

Earlier during the day we spoke with an Emley fan, previously a Leeds United season ticket holder, who told us that he had become disillusioned with the elite game due to pricing and difficulty in obtaining tickets. He did so whilst enjoying a pint at pitchside. Such disillusionment with the top level game was a common theme amongst those we spoke to today and who clearly appreciate the fayre being served at this level. 

I guess you can't really get any more elite than Real Madrid CF. Officially recognised by FIFA as the "greatest club of the 20th century" (hence the award of their Order of Merit), I wonder if the pricing and experience of watching the greatest club of the 20th century is now more akin to tourism football as opposed to real football? The pricing and experience of watching the world's oldest club is very definitely real football. Community, friendship and belonging. Nice one Vill. 

Sheffield FC versus Real Madrid CF? No contest.

You can access Nick's podcast via the following links;

Apple: Around The World In 90 Minutes

Spotify: Around The World In 90 Minutes

State of the Unión

The town of La Unión in the Spanish region of Murcia is just three miles up the road from Llano del Beal, the home of football club Deportiva Minera who I went to watch last week (see Loopy Linares Rides Again). It is an earthy town with a strong mining heritage but now perhaps better known for its annual international festival Cante de las Minas (songs of the mines) celebrating flamenco gypsy culture. Perhaps unusually for a town of its size - population around 21,000 - it does not appear to have any sort of football heritage.

Seventy miles away, Caravaca CF was founded in 1969 but went bust in 2011. Its place in the Spanish football pyramid was bought out and the new club moved the seventy miles to La Unión and renamed CF La Unión. Fans of Caravaca CF were none too pleased with this development and complained to the Royal Spanish Football Federation (RSFF). The new club played one season of football before being doubly relegated by the RSFF for non-payment of of players wages and the club subsequently folded.

Torre Pacheco Fútbol Club Pinatar was founded in 2010, taking the place of CD Dolores Torre Pacheco in the pyramid, basing itself in nearby San Pedro de Pinatar. In 2018 in an attempt to consolidate the future of the club it moved twenty miles down the road to La Unión and renamed FC La Unión Atletíco. Six years later and it is still going strong. The club achieved promotion to the Segunda Federación in 2023 and now competes in Group 4 alongside near-neighbour Deportiva Minera. 

The surrounding hillsides leave no one

in any doubt as to the town's mining heritage.

The club plays its games at the municipal sports centre with an artificial pitch around which there is a running track and beyond various practice pitches, tennis courts, padel courts, a bar, kiddies playground area, huge administrative(?) building, basketball pitch, changing rooms, sliding doors and a cuddly toy. Okay, the last two don't feature but older readers will know where I'm coming from.

Today, FC La Unión Atletíco were at home to San Fernando Club Deportivo Isleño from the town of San Fernando in Cádiz, a mere three hundred and ninety miles away. This was gameweek 7 and both clubs had enjoyed reasonable starts to the season with nine points and eight points garnered respectively. Admission to the ground was €15 and the bar provided me with a typical Spanish breakfast of tostado con tomate and a small beer at a cost of €1.80. Well, it was an 11.30 a.m. kick-off.

Despite the distances involved, there was a fair little smattering of San Fernando supporters in the modest crowd of, I would hazard a guess, around two hundred and fifty. Judging by the high pitched vocals of the occasional chanting from the away fans, it may be that many were wives, girlfriends and children of the away team players. All credit to them anyway in making the long journey in support of their team, husbands, boyfriends and fathers.

Yesterday I attended a La Liga 2 fixture between FC Cartagena and Racing Ferrol, notable only for the fact that both teams deserved to lose. Today was better, not fantastically so, but at least I didn't have to wait until the 90th minute before anything of any note happened. Today's match was fairly even throughout with not too many chances created although lots of endeavour, lots of misplaced passes and some welcome hoof-ball from time to time. 

The La Unión drummer keeps a respectful distance from

the rest of the crowd. An ambulance is kept close by for

protection from cardiac strain or irate fellow supporter.

Of considerably lower pitch than that of the away support vocals was that of the lone La Unión drummer who appeared to be drumming solely for his own pleasure and with no discernible rhythm, beat or call to arms. Helpfully though, he positioned himself as far away as possible from anyone else in the ground so as to lessen the impact of his efforts. Whether or not the ambulance behind him was there for his protection, be it from cardiac strain or irate fellow supporter, remained happily un-tested.    

La Unión were the more dangerous team in the second half with no.14 Karim El Kounni particularly catching the eye on the left hand side as the home team began to present an attacking threat. However, San Fernando were awarded a penalty in the 70th minute for a dubious hand ball but La Unión keeper Jose Salcedo dived low to his left to make the save. Seven minutes later, it was La Unión's turn following a clear foul in the box by San Fernando keeper Ángel de la Calzada. 

Can you hear the drums Fernando? 

Substitute Javi Pedroza, on the pitch for only twelve minutes, stepped up to score the only goal of the game.

As with all football clubs at whatever level, there is no doubt that FC La Unión Atletíco will have their share of players, officials and volunteers all working hard for the betterment of the club and this is one of the things I love about football. But despite the fact that they play in blue and white stripes, I think I would have to work very hard to develop real affection for this club. It has set down roots in La Unión but it is yet to become La Unión.

Next week, the club faces local rival Deportiva Minera in Llano del Beal. I am not sure if I will be able to attend but - and it pains me to say this - I may be wearing red if I do go. However, between them, FC La Unión Atletíco and San Fernando Club Deportivo Isleño served up some passable football fayre today so let's hope that both clubs go on to have successful seasons.

Around The World in 90 Minutes - searching for the meaning of football

In an age where football seems now to be the plaything of billionaires, suits and the prawn sandwich brigade, has the beautiful game finally lost its soul or could it be that rumours of its demise have been greatly exaggerated?

If you know your football then you will undoubtedly have heard of Neymar da Silva Santos Júnior, the Brazilian footballer better known, simply, as Neymar. You almost certainly haven't heard of Jaime Escalante. But maybe you should do.

Nick Thomson is on an international quest to discover the true meaning of football, one mispronounced team at a time. If you like your football - and I mean your real football - then check out the links below to Nick's new podcast series Around The World in 90 Minutes.

Apple: Around The World in 90 Minutes

Spotify: Around The World in 90 Minutes

 

Loopy Linares Rides Again

 

About a lifetime ago I worked for a bank in the British overseas territory of Gibraltar which, for those who don't know, is located pretty much at the southernmost tip of Spain. One of our clients went by the name of Mr Linares and he was a bit of a nutter, so much so that he was known among the staff as "Loopy Linares". One day, said client came into the banking hall and presented himself to the receptionist saying that he wanted to speak to someone about his account. The receptionist phoned upstairs, speaking to my colleague Joe, to pass on his request. "Is it Loopy Linares?" Joe asked. "Just a minute" the receptionist answered, I'll ask him". 

Nooooooooooooo! Too late. Fortunately, Loopy lived up to his name and, oblivious to this sleight, was ushered upstairs presumably content in the knowledge that he would spend the next thirty minutes or so wasting someone's time.

The Spanish football pyramid is a bit loopy as well. Tiers 1 and 2 are not dissimilar to the English Premier League and Championship with La Liga (20 teams) and La Liga 2 (22 teams). However, Tier 3 (equivalent to our League 1) consists two divisions of 20 teams each and Tier 4 (i.e. our League 2) is made up of five divisions of 18 teams each. The Spanish Tier 5 (Tercera Federación) consists eighteen divisions of 18 teams each. That's a lot of football clubs, 496 to be exact, but there again Spain is a big country.

To the best of my knowledge, our old friend Loopy had nothing to do with the city of Linares, in southern Spain, which has a population in excess of 56,000 and a football team called Linares Deportivo. Indeed, the city has had a football team in various guises since 1909 although its latest incarnation has been in existence only since 2009 as a replacement for a dissolved predecessor. Since its rebirth, the club has largely bounced between Tiers 3 and 4 but now finds itself back in Tier 4 following relegation last year. However, a good start to the new season saw the club in second place in Segunda Federación Group 4 ahead of their trip to Club Deportiva Minera for Gameweek 6.

The main (only) entrance to Estadio Municipal
Angel Celdran, home to Club Deportiva Minera.

There is no reason at all why Loopy would have had any connection with the town of Llano del Beal, which is home to Club Deportiva Minera - founded in 1927 - but I think he would have liked it. Established in the late 1800's to house workers in a lead mining industry now long since gone, the town has a proud history of standing up for its rights and resisting the demands and harsh working conditions of the mine owners. Based in the region of Murcia, it has a population around 55,000 fewer than Linares but football is not about the size of the dog in the fight, rather the size of the fight in the dog and the town has plenty of that as does its football team. Minera's promotion last year as champions of Tercera Federación Group 13 saw them welcome Linares for the first home game at their refurbished Estadio Municipal Angel Celdrán, having played the first two home games of the season in the nearby city of Cartagena.

As the name suggests the stadium is a municipal facility, owned by the city council who have committed to spend around €150,000, primarily on the installation of a new artificial pitch (now installed) plus improvements to the stadium lighting, changing rooms and toilet facilities. Stadium capacity is said to be 2,000 although the enthusiastic crowd which greeted the players was substantially less than that figure, perhaps around the 300 mark (?).

Local man José Blaya, from nearby Los Nietos, is the Minera chairman who has brought new ambition and success to the club in his two year tenure. Indeed, the Águilas Rojas (Red Eagles) were runaway champions of Group 13 last season finishing ten points ahead of their nearest rivals. Los Nietos is home to a small(ish) expat community, many of whom love their football, and it was with eight of whom - the "Los Nietos Massive" - I met at the game for my first taste of Spanish Tier 4 football.

José is clearly appreciative of this international support group for his club. For our €15 entrance fee, we were treated to reserved seats, complementary beer delivered to us at half time by the chairman's lovely wife plus a complementary cool-down shower courtesy of the pitch-side sprinklers. This was all very welcome bearing in mind the early October, midday kick-off with a temperature in the mid to high twenties. 

The sprinklers proved to be very welcome, as did the 
complementary beers courtesy of the club chairman.

The Segunda Federación Group 4 covers a huge geographical area encompassing the whole of southern Spain and running nearly four hundred miles from east to west. For Minera, this has led to a complete revamp of the promotion winning squad with only two players remaining from last season, due primarily to imbalance between individual work commitments and travel commitments for the new season. In fact, Minera started the new season with the furthest away game of the season, winning 2-0 away to Cadiz CF (B team), involving a round trip of some seven hundred and eighty miles. By comparison, Linares faced only a modest four hundred miles round trip for today's match. Unsurprisingly, there weren't many away supporters.

Minera's opening five matches had seen them win twice, draw twice and lose once so a pretty steady start to life in Tier 4, suggesting that the new playing squad had adapted quickly to their new challenge. And after today's scrappy 1-0 victory against Linares, they have moved up to fifth in the table (play-off positions) only one point behind today's opponents who remain in second place, level on points with table-topping Xerez CD.

I have described the win as "scrappy" because the only goal of the game was exactly that although the match itself was fairly evenly contested with the skill level generally better than I might have expected. Players looked comfortable on the ball with plenty of quick passing movements albeit chances created were at a premium. The moment of the match for me was a first half, flying save by Minera's goalkeeper Fran Martinez from a well placed, looping header by the Linares no.4 Rafa Ortiz. 

Two other Minera players who caught the eye were no.15 Damian Petcoff, a 34 year old Argentinian midfielder, who very definitely knows how to pass a ball and No.23 Pipo, a feisty little winger who when he wasn't busy chuntering at the referee or opposition players was busy chuntering with himself.

The Minera ultras assemble for the second half.

Credit also to the ten or so Minera ultras (my description, not necessarily theirs) who banged their drums and kept up a vocal support throughout the first half. At half time they changed ends and were joined by a vociferous bunch from the bar area and, between them, probably played their part in sucking/ willing/ serenading the ball into the Linares net in the eighty first minute, credited as an own goal by Linares' Lithuanian goalkeeper, the rather splendidly named Ernestas Juskevicius. 

On the final whistle, the Minera players celebrated in front of the Minera ultras whilst the Linares players, having suffered their first defeat of the season, appeared to take the defeat in good grace ahead of their three hour coach journey back to base. Next on the agenda for Minera is a coach trip of similar distance and duration to play Granada CF (B Team) and then it will be home to local rivals FC La Unión Atlético who are based literally up the road, just three miles beyond Llano del Beal. 

These are exciting times for Club Deportiva Minera. For me this was a real football experience. Real people. Real community. Real good fun. A bit loopy in fact.

Breaking News

Breaking News

In breaking news, Stanley Strollers FC chairman Graeme Cook has announced a branding change for the new season including a completely new club name. Explaining the decision, Cook said that he was disappointed with fellow FPL clubs engaged in petty team name calling and changes so close to the new season. He explained, “as usual, it’s the fans that suffer but we have to compete so fuck’em and they need to learn some respect for everything I do for this club anyway"

To complement the scientifically designed un-counterfeit-able new kit (pictured below), the club will now be known by the new un-counterfeit-able name of We Are Now Known As Real Stanley Strollers FC. The club will be making no further comment in this respect.

Breaking Breaking News

The club will revert to it’s original name of Stanley Strollers FC with immediate effect. Explaining the decision, club chairman Graeme Cook said “we have listened to feedback from the FPL, the fanbase and Mrs C and we have now decided to commence the new season under our historic identity of Stanley Strollers FC. Our branding is important and fans who purchase counterfeit kits deprive the club of income the cheapskate bastards. However on reflection we have decided to take the moral high ground, let bygones be bygones, not follow the crowd, do the decent thing and be the big man in all this". 

That plus the fact it was pointed out the proposed new name acronym would have been WANKARSS FC. 

Bollocks.

Gillian Jenkins

Gillian in 1993, ahead of the 
FA Cup Final against Arsenal.

With much sadness, I write following the untimely passing of my friend and London Owls legend Gillian Jenkins who died, quite unexpectedly, last Thursday 17 April. I don't pretend to have known her better than others amongst the London Owls membership over the years but she and I went back a long way -  to the early eighties in fact - which probably means that I knew her for longer than most. We would travel together from Southend to meet up with our fellow Wednesdayites at Kings Cross for our executive coach travel to games all around the country.

Gillian was tiny - teeny tiny in fact - but she was a feisty little thing and could more than stand her ground when it came to holding her beer and delivering mickey-take to her predominantly male travelling companions. She was funny and loud, sometimes mouthy, always loyal and reliable and she had a heart of gold. 

If memory serves me correctly, Gillian had no historic connections with Sheffield and I think I am right in saying that whilst growing up as a youngster in Norfolk, her Dad took her to watch the Owls play at Norwich and that is how her love affair with Sheffield Wednesday began. 

The early to mid eighties was a great time to be following the Owls as the club progressed steadily, season by season, culminating in promotion back to Division 1 in the 1983/84 season. Promotion (pipped to the Champions spot by Chelsea) was secured on the final day of the season with a 2-0 away win at Cardiff City which was a particularly memorable day including the party on the coach as we travelled back to London, albeit Gillian had to remain circumspect on the alcohol front as she was heavily pregnant with daughter Toni at the time.

Other memorable trips, once back in the First division, included matches at Manchester United and Manchester City where the Manchester police, on both occasions, mistook our executive coach for the team coach. On the first of these two occasions, the coach was escorted right to the players entrance at Old Trafford where the senior officer then boarded the coach to welcome the team, only to be confronted by Gillian sitting in the front seat, decked out in blue and white ribbons. "She's the centre forward" came a cry from the back.

These were heady times, travelling in style and supporting a successful football team with the London Owls - a great crowd of people - and Gillian was very much a central character in all this.     

I disappeared off the London Owls scene towards the end of that decade, my tending to drive to matches before moving abroad for three years and hence my meet-ups with Gillian became fewer and further between. However I was back in Southend in time for the 1993 cup runs and together with Gillian and Darren Reynolds (another Southend-based Wednesdayite), we drove to Hillsborough for the FA Cup 5th round tie against Southend United which took on extra significance for us because (obviously) it was our home town team we were up against. Having won the match 2-0, we were back in Southend for 8.00 pm and headed to The Railway pub for celebratory beers. The pub started to fill with Southend supporters now also having returned from Sheffield. Gillian went to the duke box, selected Singing the Blues, and proceeded to dance through the pub - Wednesday scarf aloft - like a mad thing. She took a bit of stick but she gave it back and more.

I last saw her at Wembley for last year's play-off final when we met up, together with Darren, to enjoy what turned out to be one of those rare, truly memorable days in the life of a football supporter. It would have been incomprehensible to imagine that I would be writing these words less than a year later.

The Wednesday family has lost a good friend. Gillian's partner Graham and daughter Toni have lost much more and my heart goes out to them. Fly high Gillian Jenkins, my diminutive friend. You will be sadly missed but the laughs we enjoyed will live forever.   

Football Away Days - CD Leganés v CD Mirandés

No self-respecting football fan could have a weekend in Madrid - home to six teams across Spain's top two divisions - and not go to a match. Surely? This was my unanimous verdict and after taking into account dates, times, bar opening hours and budgets, Mrs C and I along with friends Mick and Andrea plumped for a trip to top of the (LaLiga 2) table CD Leganés for a two o'clock, Sunday afternoon kick-off versus CD Mirandés.  

Leganés is part of the Community of Madrid, situated to the south east of the city centre. As the crow flies it was only around six miles from our accommodation in the Las Acacias neighborhood of the city but as we're not crows we chose to take a slightly more convoluted route via the metro system, a forty minute journey briefly enlivened by a group of Peruvian buskers doing their Fast Show routine.

From Leganés Central metro station it is a near twenty minute walk to the Estadio Municipal Butarque which obviously necessitated a refreshment stop at the half-way mark at Cervecería La Posada, a splendid little bar where complementary tapas accompanied the drinks. As a Sheffield Wednesday fan, it was reassuringly familiar to be enjoying a pre-match beer with supporters clad in their blue and white striped home kits. Less familiar to be doing so with the home team top of the league and even less so with the match ticket in my back pocket having set me back all of nineteen euros. And instead of having a big girl's blouse at the helm, CD Leganés have a real woman in charge in the shape of Victoria Pavón who, along with husband Felipe Moreno, acquired a majority stake in the club back in 2008 when the club was floundering in the third tier of Spanish football. Even then, the club had never played at a higher level than second tier football but that particular eleven year stint had come to end four years earlier. However, under Pavón's leadership the club started moving, slowly but surely, in an upwardly mobile direction culminating in promotion to the top division in 2017 clinched, coincidentally, with a 1-0 away victory over today's opponents CD Mirandés. Whilst the club lost it's top tier status four seasons later, they are currently looking good for a return to Spanish football's top table, sitting three points clear of second placed Elche ahead of this weekend's fixtures.

Opponents CD Mirandés don't have a woman at the helm, big blousy or otherwise, but they are based in the city of Miranda de Ebro (northern Spain) which sounds a bit like a girl's name. The club has a modest footballing pedigree having spent most of its time in the lower reaches of the Spanish football pyramid although their current Tier 2 status, first achieved just eleven years ago, represents the club's high watermark. This season sees the club in the bottom half of LaLiga 2 thus representing a legitimate target for our local club FC Cartagena to catch up as they seek to haul themselves away from the relegation bottom four. All this, plus the fact that CD Mirandés play in red, meant that we would definitely be rooting for the home team. Football tourists or what eh?

We arrived at the Estadio Municipal Butarque half an hour before kick-off and in time for a beer. Cerveza mixta, tostada or sin (without) alcohol, all available at €2.50. No sin alcohol for me but each to their own eh? Well, apparently not as it turns out because all three options were alcohol-free which left me distinctly unimpressed. It must be forty years since, when on Sunday night driver duties, I first tasted Clausthaler non-alcoholic beer. Now, Clausthaler can kid themselves all they like that their story of "inspiration, innovation and determination" really did lead to the world's "first great tasting non-alcoholic beer" but let me assure you that it tasted shite back then and these Spanish equivalents, forty years on, still taste just as shite. Plus it gives you wind. Honestly, surely a woman wouldn’t have decided upon an alcohol-free stadium? 

To be fair, that was the only one disappointment of the day. The Estadio Municipal Butarque was exactly as one might expect a municipal stadium to be, minus a running track around the pitch. Our nineteen euro tickets got us seats in the Fondo Sur behind the goal at the end opposite to that which housed the home team Ultras who, it must be said, kept up a barrage of chants throughout the game, often coaxing the home fans on the other three sides of the stadium to join in. One got the feel very much of a community club in harmony with its family-orientated fan-base including lots of young kids noisily and colourfully affirming their allegiance. Similarly colourful was the club mascot, a giant cucumber resembling a blue and white striped phallic version of Zorro, ribbed for extra pleasure. Women owners eh? 

Disappointingly perhaps, it transpires that the club's nickname is that of Los Pepineros (the cucumbers/ cucumber growers) as a nod to the area's historic market town relationship with Madrid. CD Mirandés however are known as Los Rojillos (the Reds) or, far more excitingly, Jabatos being the name for the young wild boars which are native to their particular part of Spain. Hmm, the cucumbers versus the wild boars. CD Mirandés definitely win in the club nickname stakes. 

The game kicked off in warm, hazy conditions. The home team Ultras made certain of a good atmosphere, aided early on by a small but enthusiastic following of away fans housed at the corner of the Fondo Sur. And the away fans nearly had something to shout about on ten minutes when winger Illyas Chaira put a left footed shot wide of the post when he really should have hit the target. However, that was about as good as it got for Mirandés who fell behind in the twentieth minute when some tricky work on the right by Juan Cruz saw him cross for centre-forward Diego García to head in at the near post. Worse was to follow fifteen minutes later when a break down the left hand side saw left-back Enric Franquesa square the ball for García to side-foot in for his second goal of the match. The game was effectively over by half time when Juan Cruz struck a low hard shot past the keeper from twenty five yards in the forty second minute. The wild boars had been tamed by the cucumbers - something I never thought I would end up writing.

The Leganés ultras giving it some.

Not wanting to mix my metaphors but the cherry was placed on the top of the cucumber in the sixty sixth minute when a clever turn and pass by García put centre-forward Miguel through to round the goalkeeper and slot the ball into the net for a 4-0 victory. The linesman initially tried to spoil the fun by flagging for offside but it was VAR to the rescue on this occasion. 

And that was that. The vast majority of the nine thousand four hundred fans in the ground carried on making lots of noise, bounced up and down a lot and joined in mexican waves until the referee's final whistle brought proceedings to an end. The home team ended Matchday 31 still three points clear of Elche at the top of the table whilst FC Cartagena's point in a nil-nil draw away to Eldense sees them now only one point and one place behind Mirandés in seventeenth place. 

So, match finished by four o'clock and we headed back towards downtown Madrid where we took in several bars, including a secret bar called Bad Company and another place that sold mugs of Caldo (chicken stock) at two euros a time. Caldo is surprisingly tasty but drinking more than one guarantees that you will wake up the next morning with a mouth tasting like lard. Drinking more than one drink in Bad Company guarantees that you will wake up bankrupt.

Futuristic? Call that a football ground?

As a football-related postscript, we passed Real Madrid's Santiago Bernabéu stadium the following morning. The stadium is undergoing significant upgrade works. Disappointingly, the once impressive facade has been covered with cladding to create a supposedly "futuristic" design which serves only - as far as I am concerned - to make it look like a supposedly futuristic design as opposed to a football stadium. Hey ho. Beauty is of course in the eye of the beholder. This week I am very much taken with the beauty that is CD Leganés. However, in two weeks time they will be hosting FC Cartagena so by then they can stick their cucumbers where the sun don't shine. I will be back in Burnley. Actually, the sun doesn't shine there very much.