Chairman’s Statement

 

I get lot of stick from fans who say it their club but it mine and I put gazillions in but no more. You say I custodian which sound rude but we all love Stanley Strollers and we all want best give me hundred pound each and I pay tax bill then buy new squad. Because you not treat me better I decide to make Graeme Cook manager again and he want four times money so make that two hundred pound each. I don’t stay if you no want me but it your fault if club go down toilet. Good luck Mr Graeme.

Deadpan Cooksiri, Chairman

Club Statement

Stanley Strollers are delighted to announce the appointment this morning of Steve Bruce as our new manager.

The experienced coach took over as Strollers’ boss with immediate effect, his extensive CV including previous management spells at Sheffield United, Huddersfield Town, Wigan Athletic (twice), Crystal Palace, Birmingham City, Sunderland, Hull City, Aston Villa, Sheffield Wednesday, Newcastle United and West Bromwich Albion.

In his first interview, Bruce spoke of his long held admiration for Stanley Strollers as a “massive” club and promised to give 110% effort, commitment, passion and loyalty to his new role. 

In breaking news, Bruce has now left the Strollers to take up the manager’s role at National League club AFC Fylde who currently sit second from bottom in the table. In his first interview, Bruce said “There was only one job that would have tempted me to leave Stanley Strollers and this was it - I went to Blackpool once on holiday which is quite close so I couldn’t turn it down”. Describing his new club as “massive”, he promised to give 110% effort, commitment, passion and loyalty to his new role, until a better offer turns up of course.

Strollers’ chairman Graeme Cook said “the club would like to thank Steve for his services and wish him well for the future, the flat-nosed, money-grabbing, disingenuous twat”.

The process to appoint a new manager is now underway and we will make no further comment at this time.

Club Statement

 

Stanley Strollers have parted company with manager Graeme Cook, who leaves the club with immediate effect. 

With the club currently bottom of the Watney Cup League, Cook’s departure followed an emergency board meeting after Sunday’s Gameweek 13 matches. Chairman Graeme Cook explained “I was unanimous that a change in the dugout is required, with someone who knows how to play the Strollers way. The club would like to thank Graeme for his services and wish him well for the future, the useless twat”.

The process to appoint a new manager is now underway and we will make no further comment at this time.